Have you ever been in a tunnel? Having tight, damp, uneven, lightless barrels of stepping rocks that close in on you mercilessly, wandering a path of unending weary and fear? Of being submerged violently under seizing water, mind numbed, eyes slammed shut, your hair entangling you, tighter, and tighter... Of walking amidst hazy fog, fragments of your daily activities trickled in, like sand racing down an hourglass, only to disappeared, pouf, into nothingness milliseconds later?
Such were my states of mind for the last two weeks.
You see... life is definitely intriguing. I was strong and fierce and valiant one moment, only to have all of them built facade shattered once my heart decided to have a break.
I could not help it. After all, I am a creature that lives off of intense feelings. Who asked to be born highly sensitive? In my forever-racing brain, my greatest asset and gift is also my biggest curse... this sensitivity will forever be a part of me.
I was entirely depleted of positive energy. The intense sadness I felt reduced me into a messy slump. Still, that slump persevered, to thrived back stronger and all the more resilient.
I have never felt as content, humble, confident, and blessed as I am of today.
Looking forward I realize that, being sensitive ole-me, one day I will have to walk through a depressive period of dark moments again. What I am hopeful for is that, the duration will get significantly shorter, and shorter, and shorter.
Onto a more positive note: my father will be discharged to a rehabilitation center in Omaha tomorrow. That will mark the end of his 3 months 3 weeks hospitalization.
Showing posts with label ranting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ranting. Show all posts
If my calculation is correct, I was away from this blog for 2 years, 8 months, and 4 days. How time flies!
This place was like home, I've missed it so much. During the absence, I had moved on to focus entirely on my art blog, and later on, my first real website. However, like most things in life, those didn't stand the test of time. Real life gets in the way, you know, those messy, exhausting drills of newly learned responsibilities, of expectations, of unimaginable circumstances, of shattered ego and dreams...
The only thing that matters today though, is that I'm back. Life is still very difficult, so what. Tomorrow the sun will shine (or not!), and if I'm blessed to have that tomorrow, I will put out one step, and then another one, and I will heave this body out of the rusted burden of whatever it was the day before, and move forward. After all, I am alive. Isn't that good enough?
This place was like home, I've missed it so much. During the absence, I had moved on to focus entirely on my art blog, and later on, my first real website. However, like most things in life, those didn't stand the test of time. Real life gets in the way, you know, those messy, exhausting drills of newly learned responsibilities, of expectations, of unimaginable circumstances, of shattered ego and dreams...
The only thing that matters today though, is that I'm back. Life is still very difficult, so what. Tomorrow the sun will shine (or not!), and if I'm blessed to have that tomorrow, I will put out one step, and then another one, and I will heave this body out of the rusted burden of whatever it was the day before, and move forward. After all, I am alive. Isn't that good enough?
I surprised myself for starting to like running now!
The last time I was being over-dramatic by crying over a small remark my mum said about my weight, I cried my eyes out for 1 hour straight when my mum stood by lecturing me about ... everything actually.
That happened a month and a half ago. And truthfully, I'm so grateful my mum scolded me hard, otherwise I'd still sat around pitying myself.
One thing she said that still stays with me until now was that the more I hate something, the more I need to do it. There's no point in crying and giving up. If I fall, stand up again, and again, and again. I told her... mom, I hate running. Please don't force me to run because I hate hate hate it. And she only replied... you need to do it then, and more of it. You won't hate it as much.
At that moment, I despised me mum, and vowed never to run, because I hate it.
But guess what... now I'm beginning to like running, after spending some weeks running (little by little, I started by burning only 100 cal, ran for 5 mins and walked for 10 mins or so.) The last 2 weeks or so I was finally able to up the running scale. Recently I can run for 15 mins straight, burning 400 cals in the process. The most amazing thing is that as soon as I stopped forcing myself to lose as many cals as possible and simply tried to enjoy the act of running, I ended up enjoying it!!!
Me, enjoying running?! I've hated running for so long... but now, now... it feels great to run :D.
That feeling of sweats pouring out from every pore of my body, and that of accomplishment by giving it my all, is so amazing!!! Now, I'm sort of addicted to that feeling that only exercise can bring.
Now, I think clearer, have more energy throughout the day, feel very positively, esp. about my body, have more confidence because I believe I can push myself further. All from the hard scold my dear mum gave to me that one day. So if I can give one advice... that would be: listen to your mother!!! She knows what's best for you.
Yes, I want to lose weight badly. But now I'd stopped thinking about it, only wanting to be as healthy and fit as possible. I'm aware of what I put into my body, and enjoy running and exercising now (I also do yoga, it's a lot of fun too :D). Who knows, by the end of the year I might be 30 lbs slimmer though I'm not too stressed over it, with the way I'm going right now, I believe I will lose weight. We'll see but it's not the goal I'm interested in, but the journey now :). To all of you trying hard to lose weight, start small. You'll get there eventually. Don't compare yourself to others. You're wonderful being who you are, just believe it. And like I said, when you fall, stand up again because you have a lifetime to change. Things will get easier the more you do it. When you hate something, acknowledge it, and let it go, let it go. Hatred does no good to a person. It's so much more free to let go. Once I let go of my fear/hatred for running, I was free and was able to end up enjoying it. See... it's not so hard.
Final exams and projects are really killing me lately. Ayda... Found a good song, but I'm more in love with Thao Trang's vocals more than anything. I remember being impressed with her voice back in the day when she was still competing in Vietnam Idol the first season. I personally think she's better than Phuong Vy, the winner of that season. Thao Trang has quite a unique look (being mixed I believe), an excellent voice, and her English is not too bad either. I'm looking forward to hearing more from her.
Angel in Me
Sung by: Thao Trang
Currently, my soul is feeling very unsettling and stormy, but I've learned to take things easy. With that said, the best thing I could have ever learned recently is this rediscovery of God and his love for me, as well as my role here. It's a little abstract to explain right now. Hopefully as time goes, I can follow this new calling... And I also read something so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. It's a pity it's in Vietnamese as of now though, still I want to share this with all of you who could read Vietnamese:
Tuổi Thơ Tôi
Người ta thường nói trẻ con bây giờ sướng…
Tôi chẳng nghĩ vậy, bởi tôi thấy mình sướng hơn.
Tuổi thơ khó nghèo nhưng tôi thấy Chúa thật gần. Tôi thấy Chúa qua đôi cánh mỏng con Chuồn Chuồn, qua chiếc lá Mắc Cở e ấp xếp lại mỗi khi tôi đụng đến…
Tôi mê mẩn từng con bọ tròn bé tí đủ màu đậu trên lá chè. Rồi cả đến con Nhện Tàu với hai cạnh nhọn cứng, nằm giữa màng tơ được thiết kế tuyệt đẹp, ngắm hoài cũng không thấy chán.
Tôi luôn thấy kỳ diệu về thiên nhiên quanh mình! Có thắc mắc gì đem hỏi mẹ thì đều nghe: “Tại Chúa làm nó như vậy” thật giản đơn mà đầy đủ!
Tuổi thơ tôi… những buổi chiều gối đầu trên cỏ, thả cho trí tưởng tượng bay vào những đám mây. Tôi có thể thấy cả một tòa lâu đài đồ sộ với mái tròn tròn, chẳng mấy chốc, tòa lâu đài biến thành gã khổng lồ đội mũ, rồi gã to lớn đó cựa mình biến thành chú chó bông. Cứ thế… biết bao lần trong những năm tháng ấy, tôi ngủ thiếp đi giữa mùi cỏ mà trên cao “màn ảnh rộng” Chúa ban cho tôi vẫn không ngừng chiếu.
Tôi yêu tuổi thơ tôi với những nỗi sợ dễ thương. Có buổi tối thò tay ăn vụng cái bánh của bà Ngoại, bên ngoài trời chớp sáng, tôi điếng người thầm nghĩ “Thôi rồi! Chúa chụp hình” Bỏ vội chiếc bánh vào miệng vừa xin lỗi Chúa vừa đỗ thừa “…tại bánh ngon và tại con thèm quá”
Tôi không thấy Chúa, nhưng thiên nhiên quanh tôi khiến tôi cảm nhận rằng ở đâu cũng có sự hiện diện Ngài. Trong từng lá trúc đêm trăng, từng tiếng thông reo trên đồi… đều nói lên tâm hồn của Chúa.
Tuổi thơ tôi vậy đó, quà vặt là trái ổi, khúc mía trong vườn. Búp bê là cái gối ôm có đội mũ, mặc áo, mang quần, và trong tay tôi “em” được ôm ru chẳng khác gì một em bé. Tôi cầu nguyện khi bé gối bịnh, tôi ẳm bé đi nhà thờ… tôi làm đủ mọi thứ trong một không gian nhỏ xíu dưới gầm bàn, mà niềm vui thì lớn cho đến nỗi bây giờ tôi vẫn còn cảm nhận được.
Có những buổi tối ở nhà một mình, hãi hùng bóng đêm với tiếng lá xào xạc bí ẩn…Tôi lại cất tiếng hát lớn “Đừng sợ chi… hãy tin Ngài…”
Tuổi thơ thật đẹp đã sưởi ấm lòng tôi khi mỗi ký ức đều đong đầy đặc ân của Chúa
Tôi yêu thích tuổi thơ tôi, cũng có những buồn tủi, nước mắt… nhưng đặc ân được cảm nhận sự hiện hữu của Chúa đã bù đắp cho tất cả. Đến nỗi … khi tôi suy nghĩ về trẻ thơ ngày hôm nay, tôi thấy chúng thiệt thòi trong môi trường hiện đại.
Con tôi, chúng thấy gì trong thành phố lớn nhất nước này? Nhà cao tầng, dây điện, xe cộ, phố xá… Có mấy trẻ chịu từ chối phim hoạt họa hấp dẫn để nhìn mây, nhìn trăng?
Khi ngắm hoa trong bình nó hỏi “ai cắm hoa đẹp thế?” Nhìn cây lá trong công viên nó hỏi “ai trồng cây này?”
Xưa, tôi nhìn đâu cũng thấy Chúa. Nay, con tôi nhìn đâu cũng thấy người.
Người ta thường nói trẻ con bây giờ sướng … Tôi chỉ biết lặng thinh. Và tận trong sâu xa tôi thấy mình nhận nơi Chúa trách nhiệm phải giúp con mình nhìn thấy Chúa trong cuộc sống. Làm sao cho chúng hiểu rằng khi bình minh lên rực rỡ, mọi người chìm đắm vào công việc cho đến khi hoàng hôn xuống, cả bầu trời đều thay đổi màu để con người được nghỉ ngơi… Và cho dù ai có làm gì… thì ở một nơi nào đó Chúa vẫn đang lặng lẽ vận hành, điều khiển và chăm sóc chúng ta bằng tất cả tình yêu của Ngài.
Tôi yêu tuổi thơ tôi…
By: Thy Ca (from Hoithanh.com)
Phut Giay Giao Thua
By: Dan Truong, Cam Ly, be Trieu Vy
So Vietnamese Lunar New Year is coming up, and watching this very sweet
commercial takes me back to some sweet memories of when I was still
in Vietnam. I just realized that I so very miss Vietnam, after being gone
for almost 10 years now. Ahhh... I wanna come back >w<...
Today has been a precious day. It rained a good deal this morning, and snowed a good deal as well from afternoon until now, the weather very well puts me under a melacholic mood. Just yesterday and several days before, depressive bout of thoughts didn't leave me even for a second... I cried myself to sleep, to awake this morning feeling light and refreshed... as if a heavy cloak of dark clouds had finally lifted. Everything appears precious to me, even the little act of driving in the rain, to catching glimpses of snow falling outside of the windows as I sat working on my assignment, to seeing my parents back from work, to cooking spontaneously a fried rice dish... Then I know... I had been too hard on myself. If only I had looked a little bit closer to what really matters. I couldn't see it then, and suddenly, a revelation came, not from careful analysis of self-introspection like I always do, but from simply allow myself to live, to breathe in the moments, to experience everything as it is and as it comes. We humans are strange, and much stronger than one is able to give credits to. Perhaps, this feeling of tranquil happiness is just that, a fleeting moment of revelation, and the next day, stress and unhappiness will again take me captive... even so, I am happy just as I am now. Isn't that life? We struggle just for that brief moment of happiness? Let me be selfish for a little bit then... because yes, I am selfish, it has always been my weakness. But I'll keep trying to conquer it... because there will always be another better tomorrow.
It is often not discussed on my blog, but I am a big manga lover. Not an obsessed fan that follows and collects all the titles that are put out on the market (nor am I fortunate enough to have the income to do so ^^), but I am more the type that reads and experiments with a lot of lesser known works, as long as they pick my interest.
I started counting my manga collection yesterday night out of boredom. Guess how many I have accumulated since the summer of 2007? 279 volumes! That's a lot more than I had expected, not that it's a bad thing :D. One thing though, many titles reside on the shelves were impulse purchases. Ahh, here come the memories of a golden time when I still had plenty of money to waste on buying bulk manga set on Ebay. That 2007 summer alone I must have acquired roughly 3/4 of all the volumes I have right now... And if I really talk about money, one manga costs averagely $10, and I have 279 books, that must make the amount I spent on money roughly about $2800!!! Even though, truthfully speaking, I bought most of them cheap... some dirt cheap like the whole 14 or 15 volumes of Firefighter! Daigo of M Company for like $20 total. And the series turned out to be amazing!!! I couldn't have been happier ^^. I stopped collecting for like 2 years due to financial crisis and the close down of the only cheap place I bought manga from, lol, but ever since I discovered the new&use link on Amazon (yes, I am very ignorant of a lot of things around me), I knew that I could finally resume this habit of collecting.
Jan 17, 2010
cooking,
cute stuff,
graphics,
manga,
ranting
0
comments
Too many scattered thoughts...
The diary I ordered from Korea finally arrived. It is such a pretty diary, though a little bit smaller than I'd imagined.
As you can see from the picture above, it came in a tin box, with a sheet of index stickers and a PVC cover to protect the diary from wears, stains, water, whatever you name it.
Everything about it spells high quality and I'm very happy with this purchase.
The illustrations are also very cute and endearing!
This diary is so precious that I almost don't want to write anything in it, in case I destroy its prettiness. Yes, I know it's ridiculous -__-;; but I can't help it!
Korea and Japan produce some of the cutest things on this tiny planet, I tell yah!
I am bewitched by their products all the time... ah, my wallet is weeping right now.
My mom is always puzzled over my obsessions with cute things, and keeps on telling me to 'grow up', but she just can't understand my joy whenever I come across a lovely illustration, a unique product, a stylish design *sighs*...
It's something that I don't think I'll ever 'grow out' of.
It's such a cozy day today, though not that much for driving :). We Midwesterns are experiencing quite a big snow storm since Sunday afternoon, and uni was canceled today for me, which is rare really. The funny thing is, I did not like the cancellation at all; I was actually looking forward to having my printmaking class today so that I could ask my professor for suggestions and help on my newest drawing. Unlike the last one, which I struggled all throughout, this one came to me relatively easy, and the process of drawing was really enjoyable. I'm kinda worried now because the drawing hasn't been etched or printed yet; and I had to turn in the porfolio this coming Thursday!!! The bad thing is... the snow won't stop until tomorrow, and by then, the snow would be up to around 12 inches or so (hopefully it won't be that bad), and I'm not sure how I will handle driving around in ~that~, lol.
So... I finally deactivated my Facebook account after three months of non activity. I don't think I'll be missed, lol XD, nor will I miss it. It's a nice social network site, though it's just too much stimulation for me, and I can't handle stimulation all that well. The old dear best friends I used to have I was unable to find online, and now I'd prefer to contact the few current friends I have via emails, phones or face to face :), also, I once lost quite a bit of personal information so now I'm always kinda nervous to have too much of my info online for others to see, so deactivating seemed a welcoming approach. Actually for a period of time I hated Facebook and how superficial it is to see everybody 'keeping in touch' with shallow comments, or 'collecting' friends just for the sake of it (I had seen people with over 1000 friends, what the heck!). Of course, I was like that too, friending people I know briefly for like one day, or accepting request for friends from acquaintance of my friends. It's rather pathetic... I guess it was during the time when my acceptance of myself was low, and I couldn't tolerate the fact that I had not much friends in real life therefore the race to add as much people I know to the list as possible so that I won't have to appear as 'uncool' or 'unsocial' (I got so irritated when a manager made a joke on how I only had 30 friends or so on FB, and that she wasn't good enough to be my 'friend', seriously, people like that get on my nerves!). Now that I look back, it's just so silly. It feels like high school and popularity contest all over again, and I want no part in it... there're just too much attention seekers and it gets tiresome having to see constant status updates, sometimes for things that I don't care to know about at all. Ah well... it's over now, and I have no regrets closing it out on me. Now, I don't hate it anymore, because I no longer care... I guess when you have no interest in something, you will see mostly the negative parts of it. That could have held true in my case; my life is not affected by the decision by any means because I wasn't fond of FB to begin with. I feel lucky I'm not addicted to it, as it opens door for me to connect with the few people I know on a much more personal level, and to leave time for me to study and for recreational activities and hobbies. And lately, I'm learning to give myself more time alone because it's my temperament (being an introvert) and not feeling bad about it; as well as being more open and honest to myself and to others. Now I can be silent in the company of another without feeling the guilt and urge to 'speak up', because I'm just acting myself and not trying to please everyone I come in contact with. It's exhausted to be agreeable all the time so that I would be liked. Man, I guess some people I know figured it out that it was all an act, lol? I was desperated for friendship a while back so I did all I could to be agreeable and likable, heheh... and it backfired really, because nobody likes a faked person.
Btw, I'm in love with the beat of this song "Hot Girl". Actually, this song is a 'controversial song' amongst the hot girls in Vietnam right now. I don't care, just thought the beat is awesome, and the lyrics aren't that bad :).
HOT GIRL
By: Hoang Hai and Manh Quan
Anyhoo, I'll go back to study now. Ja!
I'm reading some good books lately. Let's see, I finished not too long ago the first in a trilogy by Suzanne Collins called The Hunger Game. It was a great book and after I got to the last page I found myself hopping onto Amazon to order the second one right away which was just released not too long ago. I guess I was fortunate to read The Hunger Game later than most people, hence I didn't have to wait for long for the publish of the second one: Catching Fire :). But now I'm engaging myself in another huge novel, a second one by one of my new favorite authors Carlos Zafon: The Angel's game. Let me tell you, I'm looooving it so far. As far as I know, I wasn't that drawn into it as much as the first book I read of this author The Shadow of the Wind, but this one really is going in a new direction and still is very good on its own. At the same time, I'm reading another book (at a more leisure pace since this book is a difficult read) by Haruki Murakami, another favorite author of mine, and the book is called Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. Some people don't care much for this book but I found myself liking it a tad bit more than his other works in the past, including popular ones like Kafka on the Shore (loved it in the beginning but grew weary of it at the end), or The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (I didn't like it that much, kinda hated the protagonist). Guess why I went for it? Because the book inspired an anime I love dearly Haibane Renmei. Did I tell you how much I love that little gem of an anime? Tsk tsk, I might have to blog about it later, few animes can make such a big impact on my emotions like that one :).
It seems like everyday, I understand myself a little better. You read it right, myself and not someone else. Would it be considered cold or conceited or selfish to say that I'm constantly thinking about my own feelings? But that's just exactly how I think most of the time! I'm highly aware of my own thoughts, down to the tiniest details... But the quiz I did told me that I just happen to possess very high Intrapersonal Intelligence, and there's actually nothing wrong with that. I am just who I am. On the other hand, my Interpersonal Intelligence (people skills) is quite lacking, lol XD. It's always been the case, with me being very socially awkward. When I turned 19, it was when I started to seek an identity for myself. But the problems of low self-esteem started as early as 6th grade for me. My elementary school years were just as happy and fun as anyone could have hoped for. Until now, I long to go back to those days of pure innocence and oblivions quite frequently.
In middle school I went to a bigger school and it was when students started to form cliques. I wasn't particularly a loner, but it seems like I was always excluded somehow. Friends I had, close friends, none. Even so, I was fine with my lack of friends because at that time I was greatly concerned with my body image, lol. And so it went, until a point that I forgot how to make friends. But you see, I was fine, or thought I was.
When I turned 19, that was when things changed. And now at 22, I understand myself way clearer than I would have ever wanted. With understanding comes forgiveness and ease. I'm at ease with who I am now. The Intrapersonal thing adds to that. It explains why I suck at small talks, or why I always feel kind of bored at senseless conversations. Not that I'm arrogant, it's just that I tend to have more to say when it goes a little more philosophical or psychological I guess. It explains why I am so emotional and religious, why I am such a perfectionist, why I procrastinate, why I love to study yoga/meditation, why I frequent personal-development websites, or why I tend to withdraw into myself. The world exhausts me at times.
Being at ease really helps. So far, it makes this semester at school a lot less stressful to me. I take the same amount of classes, but instead of dropping them in fear of failure, I'm sticking to them when I realize I can never be perfect, nor do I have to be one. And I work so much harder now and just do, instead of all talks like in the past. Occasionally I fall back like always, but getting back up doesn't seem as dreadful or impossible.
I will have to work extremely extremely hard if I want to graduate this May. And then there comes the issue of finding a job. I love how my parents are being easy on me about this. Truly my family is the source of my strength, without them I am not sure if I would ever work as hard. And perhaps my family is one thing that I feel so blessed I have, and one thing that I constantly thank God everyday about. Even though I don't really express it out loud, but during the time my depression was at its peak, thoughts of how lucky I am to have parents and siblings who love me so much guided me through that awful period; I just broke down and cried for hours, feeling so sad that I actually let depression took hold of my life when I still have people who love me so, and I love them dearly.
I really want to embark on a journey/travel to some foreign countries after my graduation. Don't we all want to do that at some point in our lives? That day of graduation will come... and I honestly don't want my dream to remain just a dream. Guess we'll see how things play out, well, because life is just so wonderful and full of unknown possibilities. If God agrees with my dream, I know I'll be somewhere when the time comes. In what way I will not know yet, but that's one thing that makes life worth living, right? In the mean time, I'll continue to pray earnestly and work in the best of my ability.
Kiss the Rain
by: Yiruma
Some delayed pictures of my trip to Missouri two weeks ago.
We were in three cities: Carthage and Joplin on the first day; and St. Louis on the second and third day. It was a fun trip, somewhat boring during the first day because we stayed in Carthage a little bit for Marian day and didn't know what to do -___-; not until like 8, or 9pm when the concert including Paris by Night singers started. Second day was soo hot and we spent like the entire day visiting the Gateway Arch. It was okay, pretty on the outside but had nothing to do once you are inside. The cruise felt long and pointless in a way, because there was nothing to see really, unlike my trip to Chicago last year, lol. I got so tanned because of this trip though, hehe... On the third day we made a trip to visit Vietnamese Alliance Church in St. Louis and got a chance to talk to their new pastor, he was so hillarious and kind :). We didn't make it to the Botanical Garden until like after 1pm. Because of time constraint we only spent like 2 hours at the Garden but there was so much to see. Our plan of leaving St. Louis at mid-morning was totally ruined, hihi. If we had more time, I totally would have loved to visit either World of Fun or Ocean of Fun, or maybe Six Flags for some fun rides. However, visiting was good enough. At least this trip took me off some stress from working and summer school this summer. Another good thing, we spent very little this time, yahoo!!! Cheap trip is always a bonus, right right? :)
If only I could say... goodbye.
I said goodbye to a dear friend today.
I knew within my heart that I will be about to say goodbye to something else too.
But for now, I just can't do it.
Feel like I'm running in place a lot.
I said goodbye to a dear friend today.
I knew within my heart that I will be about to say goodbye to something else too.
But for now, I just can't do it.
Feel like I'm running in place a lot.
I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere
Second Chance
By: Shinedown
This is how I'm feeling; all the heavy baggage on my back that makes me feel like dropping it all... The question is, should I or should I not? Or what is it that I should leave behind to keep on moving forward? What bad things are keeping me so frickin' exhausted in life?
Translations:
- You idiot! You're gonna starve if you keep up like this. Just eat fer krissakes!
- No way... I still have to lose 3 more kg...
Fortunately, that image above really helped lighten up my mood a little ^^. Still, a solution is needed right now... Ahhh, my head is about to burst T^T.
This afternoon after church and eating out with my family, I went straight home and started cooking right away, which is so rare of me. The last time I really cooked something was around more than half a year ago, lol XD. So this time it was such an experience. I made the soup as you can see below, and two more dishes for my brother to take with him to Omaha tomorrow and for my dad to eat the day after as well.
This is really yummy, heheh and healthy too :). The ingredients are as follow: dice carrots, corns, petit pois, imitation crabmeat, real crabmeat, chicken, shrimps, quail eggs; all put together in a chicken soup base with 2 beaten eggs stirred in at the end.
... and I finally started the Book Thief!! It's really good so far :D. And uhm, after two weeks trying to eat less and working a hella lot more, I lost 8 lbs already now, yay ^^!!!!
This is really yummy, heheh and healthy too :). The ingredients are as follow: dice carrots, corns, petit pois, imitation crabmeat, real crabmeat, chicken, shrimps, quail eggs; all put together in a chicken soup base with 2 beaten eggs stirred in at the end.
... and I finally started the Book Thief!! It's really good so far :D. And uhm, after two weeks trying to eat less and working a hella lot more, I lost 8 lbs already now, yay ^^!!!!
My newborn niece - Gia An!!!
Awww, she's sooo adorable ^__^... and guess what, she takes after my name too. If my name means grace/blessing in Vietnamese, this baby's name means more and more blessing, or overflowing blessing. She has such a pretty name :), and is so well loved way before she was born. My sister told me that Gia An already smiled at her, which was quite a surprising act for newborn babies. She's also an easy baby, doesn't cry as much but sleeps and eats a lot :D. How I wish I was in Vietnam right now so that I could be able to hold her and stay by my sister's side... Let see, Gia An looks just like my brother-in-law; she's got his eyes and nose, but got my sister's lips ^^a. I really hope she will grow up to be a strong and healthy girl and be a blessing to others just like her name suggests.
Lately, it seems like besides the usual everyday work and chores, what I do is lay around and watch movies. I don't know, when I get home from work it's usually 8:30 pm or later, and I just can't force myself to do anything else. Last time at the library I borrowed two books to read (one is a Murakami's book and the other is called the Book Thief) but haven't even started yet, hic T^T; Hope that will change soon. And August is coming, which means school will start for me again after 3 weeks or so T_____T;
1) Life is beautiful (Italy) ... 4/5
Beautiful movie, I wasn't familiar with Italian films so it took me a while to 'get used' to the style. But once I did, I enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Very good performance all around.
2) Paris, je t'aime (France) ... 3/5
Movie compiles of a lot of short little stories. Some I liked, some were just plain boring. Overall, it was a pretty good movie.
3) Way of Blue Sky (Japan) ... 3/5
This was a slow, laid-back, bittersweet, heartfelt teen movie (of course with dramas but minus all the cat-fights, vengeance, popularity contest, etc, etc.); just very typical of Japanese movies. I didn't enjoy it until half-way through when the tension was pushed up a little bit.
4) The Machinist (US) ... 4/5
Woah, I was pleasantly surprised at how this movie came out. Watched without any pre-notion of what it was about but I love it :). Very good psychological thriller and darn, my admiration for Christian Bale was pushed up one notch seeing how he lost 60lbs for this role 0.o; *respects*
5) Waiting in the Dark (Japan) ... 3/5
Again, a slow and very quiet thriller. I liked it enough but would not vote it very highly. The story was rather thin, and there could have been more character-study but it wasn't too bad. Though this is definitely not for the impatients.
6) Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (Japan/Animation) ... 3/5
I generally like most Ghibli movies, this one... not so much. The visuals were stunning as expected but the story left me -_- most of the time. Probably a second watch will be needed. So far, this is my least favorite amongst all the Ghibli movies I have seen up until this point...
7) The Scent of Green Papaya (Vietnam) ... 3.5/5
The cinematography and music were exceptional in this movie. But uhm, it was slow... Beautiful movie though, wish there could be a little more to the story however.
One good news though, my sister just gave birth to a baby girl yesterday ^^!!!! I'm so glad both of my sister and the baby are healthy; too bad I won't be able to see the baby until next year when I get a chance to go back to Vietnam after 10 years. We were so worried for my sister all through the last 2 days, and now we could take a big belly breath of relief. And my mom is leaving for Vn this coming Friday, because of that since last week I've been running errands for her all around town -_____-, doctor appointments, shopping for clothes, gifts, medicine, etc. etc.; it drove me insane, lol. But, but... freedom at last!!! Lol, just kidding :). I'll be missing her, but I know it's all for good because my sister at this moment needs my mom more than anyone else. I can't wait to see my first niece :D.
That's all I wanna say this time, I'm so tired yet I've got to start on a crochet project *yawns*... argh, i need time, hic hic...
1) Life is beautiful (Italy) ... 4/5
Beautiful movie, I wasn't familiar with Italian films so it took me a while to 'get used' to the style. But once I did, I enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Very good performance all around.
2) Paris, je t'aime (France) ... 3/5
Movie compiles of a lot of short little stories. Some I liked, some were just plain boring. Overall, it was a pretty good movie.
3) Way of Blue Sky (Japan) ... 3/5
This was a slow, laid-back, bittersweet, heartfelt teen movie (of course with dramas but minus all the cat-fights, vengeance, popularity contest, etc, etc.); just very typical of Japanese movies. I didn't enjoy it until half-way through when the tension was pushed up a little bit.
4) The Machinist (US) ... 4/5
Woah, I was pleasantly surprised at how this movie came out. Watched without any pre-notion of what it was about but I love it :). Very good psychological thriller and darn, my admiration for Christian Bale was pushed up one notch seeing how he lost 60lbs for this role 0.o; *respects*
5) Waiting in the Dark (Japan) ... 3/5
Again, a slow and very quiet thriller. I liked it enough but would not vote it very highly. The story was rather thin, and there could have been more character-study but it wasn't too bad. Though this is definitely not for the impatients.
6) Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (Japan/Animation) ... 3/5
I generally like most Ghibli movies, this one... not so much. The visuals were stunning as expected but the story left me -_- most of the time. Probably a second watch will be needed. So far, this is my least favorite amongst all the Ghibli movies I have seen up until this point...
7) The Scent of Green Papaya (Vietnam) ... 3.5/5
The cinematography and music were exceptional in this movie. But uhm, it was slow... Beautiful movie though, wish there could be a little more to the story however.
One good news though, my sister just gave birth to a baby girl yesterday ^^!!!! I'm so glad both of my sister and the baby are healthy; too bad I won't be able to see the baby until next year when I get a chance to go back to Vietnam after 10 years. We were so worried for my sister all through the last 2 days, and now we could take a big belly breath of relief. And my mom is leaving for Vn this coming Friday, because of that since last week I've been running errands for her all around town -_____-, doctor appointments, shopping for clothes, gifts, medicine, etc. etc.; it drove me insane, lol. But, but... freedom at last!!! Lol, just kidding :). I'll be missing her, but I know it's all for good because my sister at this moment needs my mom more than anyone else. I can't wait to see my first niece :D.
That's all I wanna say this time, I'm so tired yet I've got to start on a crochet project *yawns*... argh, i need time, hic hic...
Busy, busy, busy -______-;;
Why is it that when you have a lot of time,
nothing comes around. But when you are
busy, more and more things pile up?!!
I miss writing in this blog T^T.....
Working two jobs, designing wedding
albums, taking care of house works
and cookings when my mom is gone,
finishing up my crochet stuff as gifts,
going on a trip to Missouri, attending
wedding/farewell party/bbq cook-out,
and lots more within the range of the
next two weeks or so -____-;
I NEED SLEEP SO BAD...
and I miss having time to read...
and design... and take photos...
and watch anime/foreign movies
... and really be present with my
family and friends...
I should shut up now before this
becomes a long long long complaint.
Even so...
This is fun.
I am still lost, but I am happy
I tried, in the best of my ability.
I thank God everyday that he
gives me health and strength
to carry on, each new day
refresh and vibrant.
Have a good day, everyone!
Hope your days are exciting :).
That's gonna be my lunch/dinner when I go to work today. It's boring stuff again but it's time to restrict myself against food since I've been gaining lots of weight lately. Let see, I have boiled broccoli florets and cut carrots with two hotdogs cut to shapes with a few dabs of soy sauce for taste, otherwise my dinner will be quite bland, and I can't tolerate dullness in my meal, even though, the boiled veggies would still be very sweet on their own.
For the last 4 days or so I started using SparkPeople again, and have been tracking my meals since. By doing so, I came to the awareness of how much calories I'd put inside of me without tracking it carefully. I'm trying my best to lose up to at least 35 pounds by the end of this year, so that means I have to continue eating in the range of 1200-1500 calories per day to lose around 2 lbs per week. And to think that in the past I used to stuff my mouth with 2 to 3 sweet rolls at snack time that is around 350 calories each, eek >___<; This tracking system is so useful because now, before I stuff anything in my mouth, I have to think. That puts away my cravings to some points.
I don't know if any of you is like me but I can eat real well and healthy, but don't you go eating in front of me!!! Temptation tends to get me -__-; and then I'd eat even more to satisfy my cravings later. That's why all my last diet attempts backfired. This time I don't think of my eating this way as too much of a diet, but a choice to eat better and healthier. Once I think like that, I was able to overcome some temptations as of late, lol. Lately, I can feel that my health has been going badly, so another reason for this change is that I'm so scared of being so obese and then I will become more prone to catch other illnesses associating with obesity. I remember one morning I woke up and felt horrible after a heavy night of eating; my whole body ached so bad and I couldn't breathe all that well. I was so scared and told myself that that was it, that was enough, I don't want to be heavy and fat anymore. It wasn't that I was a laughing stock to some people though I can feel how uncomfortable I am when I go out being heavy. I even dread going shopping because I tend to not fit in most clothes I love T^T. And I don't see why I have to go on feeling bad about my fat stature. But the health issue was really what got me the most. If there's one thing I sincerely hope to attempt at the end of this year, it's to lose enough weight to feel healthy. Let's see how things will go from now.
What else have I been doing... I've been taking pictures but too lazy to edit them, been crocheting but not quite finish, been watching a lot of foreign movies, been keeping myself busy saved for yesterday when I just roamed around the house doing nothing, you know, days when you don't want to do anything...
Yesterday night was so strange, or more like, I felt so strange last night. It was a night that I felt total serenity, and could even palpate my existence around me. Nothing mattered to me, my emotions went to sleep or something. I just knew one thing and it was that I existed and I was happy, a very quiet happiness with utter satisfaction. Just a little bit earlier I was arguing with my brother over something stupid, and 10 minutes later I went into a total phase of silence coupled with tranquility. It was just weird I tell you. Now that I think about it, you know... I remember thinking to myself at that moment that if someone was to order me to die right that instant, I would have happily complied.
You know, I think about death quite a bit recently. Not in that suicidal thought mind you, but just that I'm curious about death. And I've been living day after day now having this constant thought that I should appreciate every moment I have on earth in case I'm to die tomorrow. Who knows right... That weird kind of thought gives me strength and tolerance and understanding, believe it or not. Because of me thinking about that last stage of my life, there is nothing matters as much anymore. Silly arguments, hatred, envy, I let them go. Every moment counts... I wonder if that was because I feel my health getting bad that I start going into a sort of defense mode to protect myself... Who knows, my mind is wired so strange.
Oh well... life goes on and I have to get to work now, lol. I hope you all have a good day!!!
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