Have you ever been in a tunnel? Having tight, damp, uneven, lightless barrels of stepping rocks that close in on you mercilessly, wandering a path of unending weary and fear? Of being submerged violently under seizing water, mind numbed, eyes slammed shut, your hair entangling you, tighter, and tighter... Of walking amidst hazy fog, fragments of your daily activities trickled in, like sand racing down an hourglass, only to disappeared, pouf, into nothingness milliseconds later?
Such were my states of mind for the last two weeks.
You see... life is definitely intriguing. I was strong and fierce and valiant one moment, only to have all of them built facade shattered once my heart decided to have a break.
I could not help it. After all, I am a creature that lives off of intense feelings. Who asked to be born highly sensitive? In my forever-racing brain, my greatest asset and gift is also my biggest curse... this sensitivity will forever be a part of me.
I was entirely depleted of positive energy. The intense sadness I felt reduced me into a messy slump. Still, that slump persevered, to thrived back stronger and all the more resilient.
I have never felt as content, humble, confident, and blessed as I am of today.
Looking forward I realize that, being sensitive ole-me, one day I will have to walk through a depressive period of dark moments again. What I am hopeful for is that, the duration will get significantly shorter, and shorter, and shorter.
Onto a more positive note: my father will be discharged to a rehabilitation center in Omaha tomorrow. That will mark the end of his 3 months 3 weeks hospitalization.
If my calculation is correct, I was away from this blog for 2 years, 8 months, and 4 days. How time flies!
This place was like home, I've missed it so much. During the absence, I had moved on to focus entirely on my art blog, and later on, my first real website. However, like most things in life, those didn't stand the test of time. Real life gets in the way, you know, those messy, exhausting drills of newly learned responsibilities, of expectations, of unimaginable circumstances, of shattered ego and dreams...
The only thing that matters today though, is that I'm back. Life is still very difficult, so what. Tomorrow the sun will shine (or not!), and if I'm blessed to have that tomorrow, I will put out one step, and then another one, and I will heave this body out of the rusted burden of whatever it was the day before, and move forward. After all, I am alive. Isn't that good enough?
This place was like home, I've missed it so much. During the absence, I had moved on to focus entirely on my art blog, and later on, my first real website. However, like most things in life, those didn't stand the test of time. Real life gets in the way, you know, those messy, exhausting drills of newly learned responsibilities, of expectations, of unimaginable circumstances, of shattered ego and dreams...
The only thing that matters today though, is that I'm back. Life is still very difficult, so what. Tomorrow the sun will shine (or not!), and if I'm blessed to have that tomorrow, I will put out one step, and then another one, and I will heave this body out of the rusted burden of whatever it was the day before, and move forward. After all, I am alive. Isn't that good enough?
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