It's happening again...

This is how I'm feeling; all the heavy baggage on my back that makes me feel like dropping it all... The question is, should I or should I not? Or what is it that I should leave behind to keep on moving forward? What bad things are keeping me so frickin' exhausted in life?

Translations:
- You idiot! You're gonna starve if you keep up like this. Just eat fer krissakes!
- No way... I still have to lose 3 more kg...

Fortunately, that image above really helped lighten up my mood a little ^^. Still, a solution is needed right now... Ahhh, my head is about to burst T^T.

Ahh, I love the smell of cooking...

This afternoon after church and eating out with my family, I went straight home and started cooking right away, which is so rare of me. The last time I really cooked something was around more than half a year ago, lol XD. So this time it was such an experience. I made the soup as you can see below, and two more dishes for my brother to take with him to Omaha tomorrow and for my dad to eat the day after as well.


This is really yummy, heheh and healthy too :). The ingredients are as follow: dice carrots, corns, petit pois, imitation crabmeat, real crabmeat, chicken, shrimps, quail eggs; all put together in a chicken soup base with 2 beaten eggs stirred in at the end.

... and I finally started the Book Thief!! It's really good so far :D. And uhm, after two weeks trying to eat less and working a hella lot more, I lost 8 lbs already now, yay ^^!!!!

A blessing arrived...

My newborn niece - Gia An!!!

Awww, she's sooo adorable ^__^... and guess what, she takes after my name too. If my name means grace/blessing in Vietnamese, this baby's name means more and more blessing, or overflowing blessing. She has such a pretty name :), and is so well loved way before she was born. My sister told me that Gia An already smiled at her, which was quite a surprising act for newborn babies. She's also an easy baby, doesn't cry as much but sleeps and eats a lot :D. How I wish I was in Vietnam right now so that I could be able to hold her and stay by my sister's side... Let see, Gia An looks just like my brother-in-law; she's got his eyes and nose, but got my sister's lips ^^a. I really hope she will grow up to be a strong and healthy girl and be a blessing to others just like her name suggests.

.Life - Movies.

Lately, it seems like besides the usual everyday work and chores, what I do is lay around and watch movies. I don't know, when I get home from work it's usually 8:30 pm or later, and I just can't force myself to do anything else. Last time at the library I borrowed two books to read (one is a Murakami's book and the other is called the Book Thief) but haven't even started yet, hic T^T; Hope that will change soon. And August is coming, which means school will start for me again after 3 weeks or so T_____T;


1) Life is beautiful (Italy) ... 4/5

Beautiful movie, I wasn't familiar with Italian films so it took me a while to 'get used' to the style. But once I did, I enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Very good performance all around.


2) Paris, je t'aime (France) ... 3/5

Movie compiles of a lot of short little stories. Some I liked, some were just plain boring. Overall, it was a pretty good movie.


3) Way of Blue Sky (Japan) ... 3/5

This was a slow, laid-back, bittersweet, heartfelt teen movie (of course with dramas but minus all the cat-fights, vengeance, popularity contest, etc, etc.); just very typical of Japanese movies. I didn't enjoy it until half-way through when the tension was pushed up a little bit.


4) The Machinist (US) ... 4/5

Woah, I was pleasantly surprised at how this movie came out. Watched without any pre-notion of what it was about but I love it :). Very good psychological thriller and darn, my admiration for Christian Bale was pushed up one notch seeing how he lost 60lbs for this role 0.o; *respects*


5) Waiting in the Dark (Japan) ... 3/5

Again, a slow and very quiet thriller. I liked it enough but would not vote it very highly. The story was rather thin, and there could have been more character-study but it wasn't too bad. Though this is definitely not for the impatients.


6) Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (Japan/Animation) ... 3/5

I generally like most Ghibli movies, this one... not so much. The visuals were stunning as expected but the story left me -_- most of the time. Probably a second watch will be needed. So far, this is my least favorite amongst all the Ghibli movies I have seen up until this point...


7) The Scent of Green Papaya (Vietnam) ... 3.5/5

The cinematography and music were exceptional in this movie. But uhm, it was slow... Beautiful movie though, wish there could be a little more to the story however.


One good news though, my sister just gave birth to a baby girl yesterday ^^!!!! I'm so glad both of my sister and the baby are healthy; too bad I won't be able to see the baby until next year when I get a chance to go back to Vietnam after 10 years. We were so worried for my sister all through the last 2 days, and now we could take a big belly breath of relief. And my mom is leaving for Vn this coming Friday, because of that since last week I've been running errands for her all around town -_____-, doctor appointments, shopping for clothes, gifts, medicine, etc. etc.; it drove me insane, lol. But, but... freedom at last!!! Lol, just kidding :). I'll be missing her, but I know it's all for good because my sister at this moment needs my mom more than anyone else. I can't wait to see my first niece :D.

That's all I wanna say this time, I'm so tired yet I've got to start on a crochet project *yawns*... argh, i need time, hic hic...

Running rabbit...

Busy, busy, busy -______-;;
Why is it that when you have a lot of time,
nothing comes around. But when you are
busy, more and more things pile up?!!
I miss writing in this blog T^T.....

Working two jobs, designing wedding
albums, taking care of house works
and cookings when my mom is gone,
finishing up my crochet stuff as gifts,
going on a trip to Missouri, attending
wedding/farewell party/bbq cook-out,
and lots more within the range of the
next two weeks or so -____-;

I NEED SLEEP SO BAD...
and I miss having time to read...
and design... and take photos...
and watch anime/foreign movies
... and really be present with my
family and friends...

I should shut up now before this
becomes a long long long complaint.

Even so...
This is fun.
I am still lost, but I am happy
I tried, in the best of my ability.
I thank God everyday that he
gives me health and strength
to carry on, each new day
refresh and vibrant.

Have a good day, everyone!
Hope your days are exciting :).

In the midst of a whirlwind

WE BOW DOWN
By: Viola Grafstrom

Food talks and rants

That's gonna be my lunch/dinner when I go to work today. It's boring stuff again but it's time to restrict myself against food since I've been gaining lots of weight lately. Let see, I have boiled broccoli florets and cut carrots with two hotdogs cut to shapes with a few dabs of soy sauce for taste, otherwise my dinner will be quite bland, and I can't tolerate dullness in my meal, even though, the boiled veggies would still be very sweet on their own.

For the last 4 days or so I started using SparkPeople again, and have been tracking my meals since. By doing so, I came to the awareness of how much calories I'd put inside of me without tracking it carefully. I'm trying my best to lose up to at least 35 pounds by the end of this year, so that means I have to continue eating in the range of 1200-1500 calories per day to lose around 2 lbs per week. And to think that in the past I used to stuff my mouth with 2 to 3 sweet rolls at snack time that is around 350 calories each, eek >___<; This tracking system is so useful because now, before I stuff anything in my mouth, I have to think. That puts away my cravings to some points.

I don't know if any of you is like me but I can eat real well and healthy, but don't you go eating in front of me!!! Temptation tends to get me -__-; and then I'd eat even more to satisfy my cravings later. That's why all my last diet attempts backfired. This time I don't think of my eating this way as too much of a diet, but a choice to eat better and healthier. Once I think like that, I was able to overcome some temptations as of late, lol. Lately, I can feel that my health has been going badly, so another reason for this change is that I'm so scared of being so obese and then I will become more prone to catch other illnesses associating with obesity. I remember one morning I woke up and felt horrible after a heavy night of eating; my whole body ached so bad and I couldn't breathe all that well. I was so scared and told myself that that was it, that was enough, I don't want to be heavy and fat anymore. It wasn't that I was a laughing stock to some people though I can feel how uncomfortable I am when I go out being heavy. I even dread going shopping because I tend to not fit in most clothes I love T^T. And I don't see why I have to go on feeling bad about my fat stature. But the health issue was really what got me the most. If there's one thing I sincerely hope to attempt at the end of this year, it's to lose enough weight to feel healthy. Let's see how things will go from now.

What else have I been doing... I've been taking pictures but too lazy to edit them, been crocheting but not quite finish, been watching a lot of foreign movies, been keeping myself busy saved for yesterday when I just roamed around the house doing nothing, you know, days when you don't want to do anything...

Yesterday night was so strange, or more like, I felt so strange last night. It was a night that I felt total serenity, and could even palpate my existence around me. Nothing mattered to me, my emotions went to sleep or something. I just knew one thing and it was that I existed and I was happy, a very quiet happiness with utter satisfaction. Just a little bit earlier I was arguing with my brother over something stupid, and 10 minutes later I went into a total phase of silence coupled with tranquility. It was just weird I tell you. Now that I think about it, you know... I remember thinking to myself at that moment that if someone was to order me to die right that instant, I would have happily complied.

You know, I think about death quite a bit recently. Not in that suicidal thought mind you, but just that I'm curious about death. And I've been living day after day now having this constant thought that I should appreciate every moment I have on earth in case I'm to die tomorrow. Who knows right... That weird kind of thought gives me strength and tolerance and understanding, believe it or not. Because of me thinking about that last stage of my life, there is nothing matters as much anymore. Silly arguments, hatred, envy, I let them go. Every moment counts... I wonder if that was because I feel my health getting bad that I start going into a sort of defense mode to protect myself... Who knows, my mind is wired so strange.

Oh well... life goes on and I have to get to work now, lol. I hope you all have a good day!!!